This Lazy he attributes to the following cocktail:
- Mix 2 parts work, under-appreciated and over-stressed;
- 1 part sickness, head cold if in season, otherwise substitute a stomach-related ailment (worm optional);
- 35 parts burning heat (95 if using Fahrenheit);
- shake with pieces of soul (chipped);
- strain and pour into a puddle on the floor.
- Serves: Me right for coming.
So, let's recap the last few months.
We went to a waterfall. Actually, that was awhile ago.
We went to a Spanish Fort. This was also awhile ago... wow. I blame the Lazy juice.
Recently... there was the Swine Flu. Or so I'm told. After some (other) gringos brought the virus to our area, some changes had to be made. Firstly, our cafeteria stopped serving the full breakfast of an egg, beans, cheese, tortillas, and sometimes sour cream. Now, they serve only baleadas, which are tortillas with beans, egg, cheese, and sour cream inside. What didn't change was that the person who handles your food also handles your money, and the money of every little kid at the school.
Second, hand sanitizers were mandatory for every kid. You come to school without one, you go home! It's the rules! Forget the fact that there's no soap in the bathrooms, and occasionally no toilet paper -- this can be remedied by cucumber-scented, vitamin E-enriched rubbing alcohol gel.
Third, if any child complains of any symptoms, they should stay home. My already spottily-attended 9th grade class dropped from 11 students to 4 within a day of this gem.
And finally, owing to the notion that "incubation period" means "how long the devil's evil lasts", a 1-week shutdown of the school was ordered by the district. Just about a week before Semana Santa, the 1-week vacation that all of Honduras takes. So, being the conscientious patient zeros that we were, everybody took a giant vacation, away from Puerto Cortes.
We went to Utila, where I learned to scuba dive. We went to Copan, with pictures forthcoming. We came home, and had exams.
Birthday-wise, things were pretty calm here. Korean food was eaten. Primary objective accomplished. Also, I have a guitar. This was purchased some time ago for myself, but some nice strings were added by Theresa as a birthday present. So far, I've learned a little of this, a little of that. For some reason, I feel like I only need to learn four chords.
The heat now is immense. So immense, in fact, that the electrical load required to combat it exceeds the region’s electrical capacity. In the bizness, this necessitates what is known as “rolling blackouts.” Here, it’s called a Heat Day.
A heat day is a lot like a snow day, except not really. While both are cause to cancel school, only a heat day is followed by the warning that your home will probably be unlivable, and that you need to GET OUT. No fans, no cold water (or hot, for that matter…), no access to your fridge without spoiling everything – including, if you’ve just fulfilled your birthday wishes, a large sack of kimchi. And as Koreans know, kimchi doesn’t spoil intransitively.
However, the kimchi is only one participant in a fridge-funk war, and its shock and awe tactics may not be enough to overcome the staying power of the guerrilla cheese, with the advantage of home terrain and constant reinforcements.
We tutor some people after school, and receive various comestibles as forms of payment. We thought of our food-for-English lessons system as a way for someone to turn a little money into a product equal in value to a few hours of lessons -- most lessons cost about 10 times this amount. Early on, it was dinner. Some time after that, it switched to homemade tortillas, sometimes accompanied by a 2-liter of soda. Eventually, that gave way to large blocks of fermenting cheese. These cheese blocks come nearly every Tuesday and Thursday, and are consumed at a rate of at most one block per 4 days. You do the math.
In any case, we went to Pizza Hut for free refills, a salad bar with some non-fried things, and life-saving air conditioning. There, I worked out the following sums:
"The Calculus of the Countdown"
* 31 days of school. +31 iced teas, +62 baleadas, +31 after-school beers.
* 21 afterschool tutoring sessions. +21 blocks of cheese, + approx. 28 liters of soda
* 405 quizzes. +135 “meeeEEEEES-TUR!”s, +270 “but MEEES-tur!”s
* 59 exams. -59 points of faith in humanity.
Not exactly inspirational, but it's good to have goals.
Until next time,
Nos Vemos!
